Do you know a Lonely Mother, who can use a hug?

Just after you have thanked dear lord that your loved ones were not hurt in any shoot outs, road-rage incidents or stranger’s fury, do you wonder, why? Yes why did this person do this? And no I am not talking about religion or racial hatred. Just everyday things. Neighbours hurting neighbours. Parents dumping their kids. Kids sacrificing relationships and even sanity. Why is everybody so angry? What is fuelling their frustration? Are they lonely? How safe are our kids in this world?

Loneliness is not just sitting in a room or on the street with no one to call your own. It is also being in a roomful of people, yet not having a single shoulder to cry on, or a single ear you can rely on. Or how about watching your favourite movie, eating at your fave restaurant all alone. Or giving up on your social life and being stationed at home with a person who mostly sleeps on you. Yes, motherhood is so beautiful yet a bit confining in the early months, won’t you say?

However the fact is most of us are living in nuclear families or alone. We are oceans away from any family. And we are just discovering what a responsibility it is to nurture a little one. It can take its toll. And even if a new mum makes time for 24/7 channels, free chat rooms and virtual friends and life, being on her own can get increasingly lonely.

According to psychologytoday

“A lack of close friends and a dearth of broader social contact generally bring the emotional discomfort or distress known as loneliness. It begins with an awareness of a deficiency of relationships. This cognitive awareness plays through our brain with an emotional soundtrack. It makes us sad. We might feel an emptiness. We may be filled with a longing for contact. We feel isolated, distanced from others, deprived. These feelings tear away at our emotional well-being”.

I am not suggesting you become an Agony Aunt. No, no nappy-changes, feeding or bathing either. But surely small little steps can make that lonely feeling of someone go away, even mothers. And felling good about yourself is a great side-effect of this. My sense says this is how we can help someone in our circle?

Listen: Take that call, strike a conversation and listen. Sometimes a Lonely mom just needs to be heard. It could even be a detailed report on the job of looking after the kid or no job of the day. New mothers can really get paranoid about that. You will feel good about it later, I promise.

Be there, Be available: This is not going to be as easy or convenient as making popcorn in the microwave. You might receive distress calls at night, a request to meet up more often than you would like. There will also be expectations, unreasonable ones too. But you are getting a friend, remember.

Relate-ionship: That is what makes our world go around, relate-ionship. You need to relate to a person on common ground to enjoy his/her company. It could be work, hobby, interests or just empathy. So try to understand what this person is feeling and think from her lonely spot. If you were her would you have liked a friend to watch a film with, a book club may be or how about just soaking in the sun or making sand castles? Be a supportive friend.

Do something together, anything: It really is the small things that count. A yoga session, coffee, a play, a massage, a walk in the park, breakfast, tea-break. Just make the person look forward to something positive in her life.

Make that call/visit: It is not easy to gain someone’s confidence, far more difficult to make friends. Make sure you don’t leave the person in a lurch. You could be that person’s last matchstick in a blizzard. Will you go kaput on her? And yes be game for a little baby holding or running-after session.

Look for signs of distress: In spite of all your efforts, you could be losing a mother to depression or loneliness. Seek help on her behalf, yes professional help.

Be Happy, Make Happy: Lastly you need to keep up on your own sanity. Stock up on happiness and meet the person in happy hours. No matter how many times she may have been smeared with baby food and baby poop that day, you could still be the one to make her smile.

Give a hug: A hug is said to release hormones that make us feel happy and safe. So when u don’t know what to do, give her a hug. She will love you for it. And you will love yourself for it too.

Comments (5)

jayanti Posted on Apr 07, 2016

superb......simply loved the way u conveyed a most important message to all of us.....loads of hugs to you dear...


thatguywithstories Posted on Apr 06, 2016

We only have to blame our sefish selves for this scenario.I agree nuclear families are prone to this situation but, don't you think that once we start prospering and doing well, away from our parents, siblings etc, we are too self absorbed to call them during the maternity period!


Amazing Life Daily Posted on Feb 15, 2016

Charu, I think what you have suggested is not only for lonely mothers - friends and family too. The world needs more people who could be what you have suggested.

  Reply   View Reply

thequintessentialhousewife Posted on Aug 03, 2015

Such a beautiful thought!


Sumeet Posted on Aug 03, 2015

Nice thought!


Charu Chhitwal

Charu Chhitwal, Founder KetchupMoms has daring tastebuds, a love for travel and an owl for her soul. It’s little wonder then that she loves to write and share her tips and tricks on traveling, food,

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