The Real Strength: KetchupMoms

Don't wear your makeup to hide your scars

Hi, girls lets dedicate this fashion Friday only to you muaahh… some self-love never hurts. I just wanted to share my few learnings, few understandings I learnt through my life, I would be glad if these could befit you in any way. 

A little intro about my life, just to make you understand me better … in my early 20’s, I got married, was taught and preached only to serve and make others happy. Oblivious and young, I followed each command blindly, losing myself, my existence, trying to fit in new life, new people. My husband was supportive but something was still amiss. 4 yrs were gone trying hard to find myself, my goals before I could realize anything. Before I knew better, I was brainwashed and pinned down by the typical pressures from Indian families, of planning a baby.

Eager to please everyone, I followed that command too. Pregnancy is the best phase for any Indian woman because you are pampered like a queen (a tip here, enjoy it while it lasts because once you deliver, you become everyone' last priority, I know truth sucks). Once you deliver the baby you are pushed into an automated phase where you are expected to turn into a perfect babysitter overnight and without any calls for help and rest. If you are lucky you might be encouraged to look after yourself physically, more often than not so you get to produce enough breast milk for your baby. Or because your husband or relative might fear the postpartum weight gain in you and so the Jhappa maids might be called in for your massage. But mentally you are not supposed to or expected to feel angry, tired or clueless.

Honestly, I did want to be the best mother and give my daughter the world and the best of myself. But what was my best, I was clueless and so were people around me. I was always an inch away from being best in general terms, and just like that 3 Years of my life went away.

Amidst the entire chaos of my life, I was struggling between excelling as a mother and retaining my identity or rather deciding on what my identity was or what I inspired to be. I did not recognize myself anymore.

The only thing I passed in with distinction, was completing the societal expectations of a perfect family 'Hum do humare do'. After birthing my second daughter I realized that only a happy mom makes happy kids. If I did not have any identity, how could I help my daughters carve out theirs? This is when I stepped out and started freelancing and trying to walk the middle way- A balance between being a married woman, a mother and just "Me."

At 34, I kinda found myself, my strength, my goals, my belief in myself… I know its bit late but I believe, whatever happens, happens for good.

So giving you some survival tips from my learnings through my self-doubt years:
1) Beauty is really not your identity, its really not something which would define you, you are beautiful, u r sexy, give this medicine to yourself every day then no one can stop to get your confidence and your attitude. Celebrate your brown skin, tan your white or just be bindaas, it is just a skin-tone.

2) Girls don’t rate yourself down on any basis…DON’T DO IT… just believe in yourself and have some drive. People will always judge, no matter how hard you try or what fashion trends you are following. So go dress up in a button-down dress if you want or just wear a saree, your mom-style.

3) Follow your passion, start now. What is it… create it… try everything, whatever inspires you or attracts you. KUCH TOH MILEGA. Invest some part of your time and your money in it. And then revamp your wardrobe and dump the ill-fitting, worn our clothes and baggage.

4) Go out, wear anything and everything, your fishnets to darkest lipstick on the earth, from ur skimpy, shimmery dresses to full-flown gowns, colour your hair yellow, red and grey, dance out loud, b mad, whatever makes you happy but just be safe, its INDIA. BUT BE U. Have a girl gang sing, dance, doze, drive, life is beautiful and simpler if u hv them around.

5) You are not born to please the world. So relax let people judge you, call u a bad mother, bad daughter-in-law, bad wife, bad girl, bad dresser, fashion disaster its ok, just know yourself and spread kindness.

Women Empowerment: KetchupMoms6) Stand for yourself, whatever u call it, feminism, self-respect, Be proud to be you, raise your head and walk through the worse with your shiniest Stilettos.

7) It's really ok to cry, to break down, but don't put on your makeup to hide the scars, apply it to add colours to your life.

8) BE LADY LIKE when you want to, or wear your boyfriend's shirt and make a fashionable mark.

Lethal Side: KetchupMoms9) Don’t be easy, if not treated right, shout out loud and teach everyone around how u want them to treat you. If they cross the line, have your leather belt or the silver kamar band and show your lethal side.

10) Have your trust tribe, someone you can dress up with and hit the floor when you are feeling low, and someone you can dress down to your bikinis with and just soak in the fun of a good day, without feeling judged.

11) Smell good, smell strong or just spread the fragrance of vulnerability by indulging in your choice of perfumes.

12) Don't depend on anything other than you to make you happy, not clothes, not makeup, not a man, not even your kids. Yes, occasional sales and binge shopping are ok. So go splurge.

If u guys want to share yours, please comment or write to us on ketchupmoms@gmail.com

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Comments (13)

Priyanka Posted on Jul 22, 2018

Confidence is the best key mantra of life and make life successful . I love to go your post..

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Rashmi Posted on Jul 22, 2018

This is a post all girls should read... esp the point that says don\'t take it easy if not treated right.

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Rakhi Parsai Posted on Jul 22, 2018

This post seems to be so apt for every living human. We are always in the run of finding things that can make us happy. However, we don\'t realize that it happiness is right there in our hearts and mind and just need a little shaking up and self-realization. I really liked how you have almost mirrored my own thoughts that we don\'t need anything else to look or feel beautiful.

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Sabeeka Lambe Posted on Jul 22, 2018

While reading your post I could relate soooo much having gone through something similar myself.. Your tips are bang on and I feel that I too have similar learnings... Feel like more of a connection just knowing we treaded a similar path

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Jhilmil Bhansali Posted on Jul 21, 2018

Big hugs Charu! Though my journey was quite different as I was a working professional and even continued working after birthing a baby, I need to say that find your passion and work towards it, no matter you are in 20\'s or in 40\'s. You can be happy only if you follow your heart! www.mommyinme.com

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Makeupmagique Posted on Jul 21, 2018

That’s so so sooo beautifully written... we sometimes forget to see what we really want to do which is so wrong!!

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Dipika Singh Posted on Jul 21, 2018

What a confidence oozing post, I agree with all your points. Why do we self-doubt ourself or mark a boundary around our flight?

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Reetuparna Saha Posted on Jul 21, 2018

I\'m loving the energy in your words throughout this post. So true that beauty cannot be defined, not should we limit ourselves so as to avoid getting judged. Living in our own skin is the best thing to do.

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Jiya Posted on Jul 21, 2018

I liked the post and I strogly beleive dressing up plays an important role and that reflectsyour personality as well.

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Mrinal Kiran Posted on Jul 21, 2018

I so loved this post! We women, especially in India, are so bound by societal norms and pressures that we tend to dismiss our dreams and pains even when we are suffering! Thanks for the post!

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Megha Patni Posted on Jul 21, 2018

I so agree with you Shiny... We have forgotten to live... As women we think of what others will think rather than what we want. I believe if every woman can think and speak what she feels... It will do good for her and her kids as she sets an example of herself ... Happy mom raises happy kids..

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Roma Gupta Sinha Posted on Jul 21, 2018

What what a post girl and trust me I related to every ounce of it . I guess all of us go through this more or less

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Prerna Sinha Posted on Jul 21, 2018

This is such an inspiring post. I feel like women don\'t love themselves as much as should because of society\'s standards but it is high time we change that!

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Shiny Sachdeva

Shiny Sachdeva a mom of two adorable girls is the Creative Head of KetchupMoms. She brings with her more than 10 yrs of experience from the advertising world and has been a designer at agencies like J

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