Are you in a sandwich relationship? Think again


The moment we mention the word “sandwich relationship”, all men would want to own this title. It looks like it is a generic term which refers to the sandwich situation that men get into, once they are married. This term seems to be acting as a synonym to the challenging situation of a husband, when he gets entangled between his wife and his mother. But, is this the only “sandwich relationship” that exist?? Looks like the “sandwich relationship” has also undergone a revolutionary change.

Recently when I called my best friend for a general conversation, she sounded quite perplexed. When I enquired, she narrated an overwhelming yet true situation. She has a son who is doing his graduation in one of the top universities in India and he visits home once in 3 months. He is her only child and ever since his birth she has been breathing through him, living for him, nurturing and adhering to all his needs, sacrificing her career ambitions too. Her world starts and ends with him. Staying away from him is a big emotional challenge to her, but as rightly said, “when you have aided your hatchling to fly, you should let him/her to fly”.

Coming to the episode, her son was going to visit her. As a concerned mother and as it was his maiden trip all alone, she sent Whatsapp messages giving him instructions, “do’s and don’ts” for his safe travel and asked him to ping her once he boarded the flight. The son, a typical current generation kid neither acknowledged her message, nor did he ping her. The kid did not mean to be disrespectful, he probably did not the feel it necessary to message, as he thought he is grownup to manage all by himself. My friend was worried the entire day, till she saw him at her door.

As he entered home, after the general haal-chaal inquiries, she enquired with him as to why he did not reply to her messages. She even expressed her dismay on being left clueless. The son gave her a look of disapproval and with a stern voice said “Maa, just chill. If I did not reply, u should have known that all is well. I would have asked for help or kept u posted if there was a problem. No need to get so emotional about this.” My friend stood aghast. What kind of response was this? She would have appreciated his practical thinking, but this was extreme. In fact she was pushed into feeling guilty for being over concerned and anxious and she as much as apologised to him for the same.

On the same day, my friend happened to go to her condominium building office to pay the maintenance charges and forgot to carry her mobile along. It took about 20-25 minutes to finish the job. When she came back home, she saw her mobile ringing frantically. She was startled to see about 3-4 missed calls from her mother. Let me mention here that even my friend is her parents’ only child. She immediately called her mom back and was dumbfounded by the ferocious tone of her mother. Her mom started yelling and sobbing over the phone. She blamed her for not carrying her mobile and reprimanded her for her forgetfulness and irresponsible behavior. My friend tried to calm her down and tried to reason it out with her mother. Promptly her mom said “how come you did not carry your phone? What if something had gone wrong with me or with your father in that 20-25 minutes? When will you be responsible and mature?” How ironic was this? Her kid expected her to be more practical while her mother was accusing her of not being caring enough. And yes she did apologise yet again.

That evening, she sat down to sip a cup of tea and calmly rewound the day. She realized that she had been the victim of two extreme situations. In the first instance, her son had no value for her concern and his behaviour emphasised the fact that the current generation kids have no room for emotions. It is certainly nothing to do with the respect factor, you are just expected to be practical and take a chill pill. In the second incident, she had to face the brunt of her super emotional parent for not responding to the phone call immediately. Here she was expected to be highly responsible and compassionate. 

I am sure all of us will be able to relate to similar situations, maybe in different ways, in our everyday life. Somewhere, we as parents of this era are unknowingly getting sandwiched between the extreme practical approach of the current generation kids and the ultimate emotional drama of the previous generation parents. The best thing is, that we are expected to get used to both circumstances with ease. Hey, that calls for a super matured attitude, does it not??
Happy Parenting buddies…

Comments (6)

Jayvee Posted on Jul 21, 2018

That\'s more than sebsenli! That\'s a great post!

  Reply

Vidhya Posted on Jan 22, 2016

Excellent writing! I can very well relate to the situation. Very happy to see that I'm not alone in this boat. Just knowing this, I'm relieved. Thanks Jayanti. Every one, goes through a similar situation at one point or the other. Just accepting the fact makes it easier to sail through.

  Reply

Daljit Bhatia Posted on Jan 22, 2016

A well worded, well thought of article. The big question is are the mothers over possessive and should they be like this? Any way since I encounter this situation at my home on daily basis read it with interest.

  Reply

Prerna Sinha (@maaofallblogs) Posted on Jan 22, 2016

I think every generation feels like this and I remember my mom still complaining about it . Maybe I will feel like it too, but in a few years :).

  Reply

thatguywithstories Posted on Jan 20, 2016

The post is superbly composed.Is it hosted on wordpress?But, coming to the term "sandwich", I think every parent of every generation is sandwiched.It is an existential crisis for most of us.Times, they are a changing!

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krithika Posted on Dec 11, 2015

I trully agree we are sandwiched between two different generatios this is common at my home also my daughter is 14 years and my parents above 80.I have to face this situation on and off I have become practical to ignore both attitudes as one cannot satisfy all and one cannot be satisfied also.So true Jayanthi.

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Jayanti Ramnath

Ketchupmoms, as the name goes, is a one-stop roof to catchup with your life and rejuvenate your insights. We are extremely delighted but a little perplexed as usual. Delighted, because of the quality

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