Why is one kid not enough?

When I was inexperienced about motherhood, mothers flocked to me for advice. Should I go back to work, is it too early? Should I stop breastfeeding, am I being selfish? My baby is too demanding, am I spoiling him/her? And the question that I absolutely loved to avoid: should we have a second kid?

Well, by all means go ahead and give the world it’s seven billionth member. And if they are the next Justin Bieber or Sunita Williams they will make you so proud. If only answering this question was so simple.

Even worse this topic tip toes up on you anytime, anywhere during any conversation, especially, especially if you are discussing sexual fantasies. To have or not to have is the question. It’s not seasonal, not taboo, not sexist, not racist and neither scandalising, so its served to you on the lunch table, between in-flight entertainment, during a big-fat-Indian-wedding and even baby showers.

Working women don’t want a second kid until and unless they want to punish their baby’s primary caretaker, their mother-in-law. The only other reason would be if they love having kids enough to sacrifice their professional growth, twice over. I mean really love. Working men, well most of them wear the cloak of ‘financial reality’. The rest keep goading the wife to have a second kid so they can have a chance at reining in the partner. Only a handful of men have a mother’s heart that’s really yearning for that addition to the family.

Actually these indecisive parents are like sadistic old people. They can hear, see and understand everything as per their convenience. That is what saw me through most of such conversations though. They just needed someone to listen to them and acknowledge the brilliance of their decision. I just went with their flow or no flow.

God took this choice away from me. And am I glad I ended up with twins.

Now that I feel like I have a PhD on this topic, no one seeks my advice lest I shatter their glass house of convenience. Lest I tell them that two kids together are happy, playful, inquisitive, learning and a lot more relaxed. That they don’t have to search for company outside their homes. That they blossom in the comfort of being silly, messy, demanding, childlike together. I don’t know what tomorrow has for them, but their today is happy.

So yes, if your heart really wants that second kid go for it.

Forget about finances (trust me God has a plan)
Manage your time the way you did for your first born (I am sure the family will still be just as supportive)
Age difference between siblings should not stop you (7 years difference is a common phenomena I have seen amongst my friends).
If your husband wants a second kid but is only flimsily helpful in raising the first one, talk to him directly about your concern.

However
Don’t have a second child if the first one was also under societal pressure.
Don’t reproduce just because the first child wants company, it’s not a toy. Remember.
Don’t think of the siblings giving each other comfort in later years when you are not around. They may or may not support each other tomorrow.
Don’t, don’t, don’t use your baby to infuse fresh life in your failing marriage.

Tell us what you think ?

Comments (5)

Meena Posted on Feb 04, 2015

your generation overthinks. And having siblings is the most beautiful thing.

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Md Posted on Feb 04, 2015

Bigger the family, the better. Why stop at 2

  Reply

meghaisamommy Posted on Feb 04, 2015

Puts things into perspective. Awesome.

  Reply

Shefali Posted on Feb 04, 2015

nice read. All the reasons to have the second were where I kept bidding to myself. I guess that tells me something!

  Reply

fayaz Posted on Feb 03, 2015

All I would add is, may Almighty bless everyone (who wish to) with a healthy CHILD...

  Reply

Charu Chhitwal

Charu Chhitwal, Founder KetchupMoms has daring tastebuds, a love for travel and an owl for her soul. It’s little wonder then that she loves to write and share her tips and tricks on traveling, food,

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